Taking Responsibility for Handling Conflict

Conflict is the byproduct of irresponsibility. And I don’t have to tell you that you’ll never reach your full potential if you don’t take full responsibility for your actions.

In every life situation involving people – family, friends or co-workers – there is potential for conflict.  So learning to successfully handle conflict should be a priority, especially for those who desire to lead teams and organizations.

And the only way to resolve conflict is to accept responsibility.

Think about it – what significant problem are you facing today?

Then consider what you are responsible for. Have you clearly accepted blame or responsibility?

I’m not talking about enabling the bad behavior of others. I’m talking about taking responsibility for YOUR shortcomings which led to conflict.

Irresponsibility results in blame. Pointing a finger at the other party rather than at yourself. Criticizing others to deflect attention from gaps in your behavior. Judging the actions of another to avoid focusing on your own. Passing the buck. Going into seclusion.

Instead, take responsibility. When you take responsibility, everyone wins. I’ve written previously about making the most of differences – you can read it here.

Here are 3 tips that have helped me take responsibility for handling conflicts…

1. Address the real issue

Ask, What is the real source of the conflict? Then, examine yourself first. Sometimes the issue lies with you and you are only blaming others for your problem.

Instead of ranting, listen. Consider the other individual’s perspective in the conflict. If you do, it’s easier to avoid the tendency to react to the issue with too much emotion. Focus on the issue at hand.

2. Find the right time and place

I’ve found this to be nearly as important as addressing the real issue. When emotions are high is not the ideal time to deal with conflict. Don’t make it personal – when you do, it gets ugly. And both of you are more likely to feel cornered and react emotionally.

Personal conflicts should be handled in private. Your success in resolving the conflict will often be directly related to when and where you handled it. So, find the right time and place to confront the conflict.

3. Deal with it directly

Avoid the temptation to dance around the issue  – deal with it directly.  Most of us are reluctant to confront because we are afraid of how the other person may respond or that we may  hurt their feelings.  More often than not, our reluctance simply causes additional conflict – small disagreements become big disagreements.

Small issues are always easier to deal with than big issues. So be firm but gentle. Work toward a solution. Use the conflict to make the relationship, the team, and the organization better.

Then, when the conflict is resolved, grant forgiveness readily.  There’s no reason to hold a grudge or seek revenge.  Healthy teams handle conflict and allow it to make them stronger.

Daniel Harkavy, CEO of Building Champions, once said: Conflict is an opportunity to grow and to learn – for both parties. It is more important to win in the relationship than to win in the conflict.

Questions: What other tips do you have for handling conflict effectively? Share them by leaving a comment.