What is your family to you? Do you care about your spouse? Does it matter to you what your children will become? Not what they will do for work – but who they will be – what they will become. What legacy you are leaving for your grandchildren?
This post is part of the series – Non-Negotiables For a Healthy Family
Broken Family – It Doesn’t Have to be This Way
Family – Do You REALLY Care About Yours?
In our parenting journey, Sarah and I have noted essentials for healthy families. Every family can do these!
Discover and pursue their dreams
If you are spending significant quality time with family members, then it’s likely that you are intimately familiar with their ambitions, passions, and dreams. And when you are, you can help them fulfill those dreams.
Nearly every day I do something or say something to help my wife and children take the next step in the pursuit of their passions.
This is important – these are not MY dreams for them. Rather I’m encouraging them to pursue the calling and the passion that lies within them.
Consequently, I must regularly assess my understanding of their dreams as they evolve. And I must evaluate my motivations for challenging them to move forward.
Independence
This area was particularly challenging for me because of my tendency to be too engaged in most everything.
I’m a problem-solver. So I naturally want to fix problems – some before they even occur.
But my problem-solving occasionally robs others of valuable life experiences. So I’ve had to learn to back off of problem-solving and allow others to grow through their experiences.
When Madison was very young I began allowing her more and more freedom to make healthy decisions – decisions about spending and saving, planning family trips, getting involved in athletics, doing chores.
This week she told Sarah and me about a product that she’d like to invent and how she plans to do it. Another evening she drafted a simple plan for a business she’d like to start.
In reality, she often falls short of her ambition. And that’s ok – because failing facilitates growth.
I want those closest to me to know that I believe in their dreams. And I want them to know that I will do everything possible to support them. More than anything, I want to challenge them to follow their calling with abandon.
Pursue spirituality
I’m not sure if it’s your style or not – but Sarah and I encourage Madison to pursue spirituality. As a result, she loves church. She loves to read Scripture. She loves to pray with us…
Over the past 2 months our family has experienced a significant transition which included moving 1300 miles to a new home and community. So our schedules got all out of whack.
Prior to our transition we’d been praying with Madison every night. (We pray at other times throughout the day too – but our bedtime prayers have become a special time for us.)
This week we’re finally getting back into a routine. So last night I laid down with Madison to pray. She went first – “God, I know we haven’t prayed in a while…” Whoops!
I love that she understands the importance of faith and that it plays a significant role in her life.
It’s a non-negotiable, a top priority for us.
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Scripture memory. It’s hard to live it out, if it’s not put in.
True, Carl. Thanks my friend.
Michael, we practice your bedtime prayer suggestions with our daughter, Lexie. I try to get her away from the rote “God is good, God is great…” and into establishing a personal relationship with Him. I encourage her to thank first, ask second. I model for her by thanking Him for things and then asking for His help with things – always asking Him to help me be a better dad and to help me honor her and her mom. We do this before meals as often as we are able, even at Wendy’s, etc.
I just asked Lexie what our answer to your question should be and she said, “You always help me with my homework, and help me to understand it. You’re always there for me when I need help with it.” I translate her quote as saying our non-negotiables are: servitude, patience (especially with math), compassion, kindness, and availability. I’ll try to build on modeling those for her.
-Chris Lewis
Very cool – I had a similar conversation with Madison this morning at breakfast. Thanks for sharing your experience.
To share food…with others who are hungry..not in a big scale…start with ur maid..I do it…and my daughter has learnt it from me…in India there are lot of hungry people…I can’t obviously help everyone…but I see to it that my maid & her family don’t sleep hungry at night…:)
My daughter.. buys a cuppa & a cookie for an homeless old man in Glasgow …whenever she meets him…:))
Great reminder. I’ve written several posts about generosity – yet it should also be modeled at home. Thanks!
I love the title/concept of this, because most people would read ‘healthy’ and assume the articles would be focused on your families diet. But you’ve addressed what keeps a family emotionally and spiritually healthy, and that’s refreshing to see. These are all really great convictions to live by! (: Thank you for writing and sharing your wisdom!
Thanks Katie!
Thanks David. Good to know that you haven’t lost your mind! We are enjoying Texas. I’d love to connect with you at some point. Let’s plan on it.