In your lifetime, you will have the opportunity to SIGNIFICANTLY impact the lives of a small handful people.
For me, Dennis Scheidt was one of those people.
Friends on purpose
There was a time when I didn’t have many friends – mainly because I had not purposefully developed healthy relationships.
A few years ago, I began placing higher value on the social and emotional benefits of close friendships.
Today, being a friend is a top priority for me.
I made an intentional decision to become Dennis’ friend.
Don’t misunderstand – he had friends – plenty of them. In fact, he has friends that he spends substantially more time with than he does with me.
And that’s ok – because my motivation was less about me gaining a friend and more about how I could be a friend.
I got both!
It’s all about serving
I began looking for ways that I could serve Dennis.
Over the first few months, I helped him balance his checkbook. I showed him how to use financial software to setup a budget and track spending. I mentored him in his supervisory role at work.
My wife and I bought him a computer. We helped him get connected with a new church. I was able to listen as he experienced a very difficult situation.
Expect the unexpected
Dennis and I had been friends for a year or so – then one day he called. His tone was serious. He said, There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.
I responded – What is it? I’ll do anything for you.
He said, I’d like for you to be my best man. Would you do that?
His request was totally unexpected. I mean – I knew he was getting married. And we were planning to attend his wedding.
But he has 6 brothers – and lots guy friends! Why me?
He explained, You’ve been a great friend to me. Your influence has profoundly impacted my life. I can’t think of anyone that I’d rather have as my best man.
I had never been asked this question before. (And I’ve never been asked since.)
Within days, I began researching what a best man was supposed to do.
One of the responsibilities of the best man is to make the toast for the bride and groom. This is generally preceded by the best man speech.
So here is the speech I prepared for one of my best friends in all the world:
I want to thank all the people who made this day possible – especially the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. Not just for this beautiful day, but for their influence on the lives of these two wonderful people.
I want to thank all of YOU for coming to celebrate this very special day with DJ and Shelby. There’s no place I’d rather be. DJ has been a great friend to me.
- He has always treated Sarah [my wife] with great respect. Occasionally he treats me with respect.
- He has loved Madison [our daughter] like family. And she loves Peyton [his dog].
- He has considered me a mentor, even though he knows me pretty well.
Sarah, Madison and I have great memories together with DJ and Shelby – like Sundays in Chattanooga for church (and shopping afterwards when Sarah talked us into it); times he and I chased golf balls around Dayton Country Club though we both would benefit greatly from a BUNCH of golf lessons.
I also remember sitting in a restaurant in Chattanooga with DJ, Shelby, and Sarah, when I realized that this is it – DJ has found his match. I’ve learned that DJ and Shelby balance one another perfectly:
- DJ is a saver; Shelby is a giver
- DJ is competitive; Shelby is good at calming him down
- DJ eats for recreation; Shelby is religiously healthy
- DJ can’t stand being late; Shelby doesn’t mind it
- DJ is a hard worker; Shelby is going to make all the money
- Dennis changes his name on occasion; Shelby is cool with hers
When I made the decision to accept a new position – one thing I knew right away was that I wanted to continue working with DJ. (And I guess I won’t be calling him late at night for a while about work-related stuff – he’ll be a little busy.)
He and I have spent a lot of time together. Usually it was when one of us was going through something difficult. It was in those very challenging circumstances, he was a great friend to me. And now my friend marries his best friend.
Marriage is not about finding a person you can live with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without. And my friend has found that person.
So here’s to the union of two wonderful friends – one will never remember the anniversaries and the other will never forget them.
May you be friends to each other as only two lovers can, and may you love each other as only best friends can.
If I’m totally transparent, Dennis was a friend to me when no one else was. Through some of the darkest moments of my life that few knew about – Dennis was there.
For that I’m grateful – and I’m grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a friend.
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Touching story, thanks for sharing. I enjoyed your speech.
Thanks Joe – I’m glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for stopping by.
I have also learned that serving others reaps unexpected benefits for yourself. I have blessed with the friendship of a charming and quirky person I would never gotten involved with if I had not been given the opportunity to reach out to her after her son lived with us for some years. It started out trying to “help” someone else who needed it…but it has become a genuine friendship that I value.
Great example Stephanie! Thanks for sharing it.
This was such a great read. One of my goals for 2013 is to be more relational. I find myself asking the same question that you asked yourself regarding Dennis, “How can I serve my family and friends better?” This post was both inspiring and motivating. Thanks for sharing.
Love your question – “How can I serve my family and friends better?” This is a great discipline.
That’s pretty awesome Michael. Quite a speech I might say. Lots of lessons to be learned here for sure. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks man – I’m looking forward to your post on Friday!
Me too thanks!
To think it all starts with something as simple as serving someone else. Thanks for sharing the story – very motivating!
Thanks Tom!
Thanks Tom!
I agree, David – serving is definitely where it starts.
Great post! I enjoy reading real life experiences and how we learn and grow.
It really does take being a friend to make a friend. Investing in others is never a waste of time!
I agree. Thanks, my friend.
When I moved to Helena, MT from two states over, I was also starting over with friendships, and I was already in my forties. I knew that most people had solidified their chosen few, and it would be hard for me to find and make a close friend. One Sunday, a woman at church asked me out for coffee. We weren’t alike at all, but I thought she was nice. She had also brought along a close friend of hers. After a couple of weeks or so, I called her and we went out for coffee again. This time, the conversation turned toward friendships amongst women and how hard it is to find one when you are our age. I was bold enough to ask her if she wanted to become close friends, deliberately. She said yes. We talked about what that would entail. We would call each other and check in at least once a week. We would celebrate each other’s birthdays. We said we could call each other any time, day or the middle of the night, if we had a need. And we would be praying for each other. It has been almost 15 years and we are the closest of each other’s friendships. Now her mother is at the end of life and needs a lot of care. My friend knows that she can call me when she cannot deal with things by herself and her husband is out of town. She knows I am willing to sit with her at the hospital or in a waiting room for a string of doctor’s appointments. Now, I don’t know what I’d do without her. But this has taught me that sometimes, friendship is deliberate, like you said, Michael. It doesn’t always “just happen.” Sometimes, we have to be the one willing to make it happen by serving someone else.
Wow. Awesome story! Thanks so much for sharing.
You’re right. These relationships are essential to a healthy life.
So true! And so wise of you to deliberately seek out this close friendship! We don’t really know ourselves as well without close friends. I hope your post inspires someone to seek out such a relationship. I know that mine have been critical to getting through the darkest time of my life. I can’t imagine what it would have been like without them.
You’re right – these relationships are essential to a healthy life.
Wow. Awesome story! Thanks so much for sharing.