3 steps for making the most of differences

There is no doubt that any person who has ever been involved in a job interview has heard this question – How do you handle conflict?

Three times this week I’ve had conversations with individuals during which we talked about how tempting it is to compartmentalize areas of life like conflict. Maybe it helps us feel better about ourselves. Maybe it puts problem areas in a neat little box so we can push them out of sight and out of mind.

Think about this – conflict is inevitable. It is a fact of life. Right?

So, if conflict is to be expected, even unavoidable, why the need to label it?

When’s the last time you asked a healthy person, So tell me, how do you handle breathing? Or, how’s the eating thing going for you?

The fact that we label conflict makes it scary. Conjures up anxiety.

What if we simply viewed conflict as part of life – and part of our work?

Conflict happens because people are different. And it’s easy to forget that there’s a reason people are different – because it’s good for us!

If others were just like you, you wouldn’t have to grow. You wouldn’t need to step outside of your comfort zone. You wouldn’t have to enter into another’s world.

Instead, the differences make it possible to grow into the person you were created to be. And when you embrace differences, they add fullness, depth, and texture to your life – and to the lives of others. Your world becomes a better place – for everyone!

As I have spent more time with teams and in leadership roles, I’ve learned that differences can become significant assets – if you learn how to use them.

Here are three steps for making the most of differences.

1. Recognize them

It’s one thing to know you are different than a colleague, your spouse, or a friend. But our relationships often need more specificity. Have you identified how you are different? How does your worldview differ? In what ways do you approach listening differently? How does your decision-making process differ?

First, identify the areas where you differ, then…

2. Accept them

At some point, if we are going to develop meaningful relationships, we must move beyond simply recognizing differences. We must accept them – even celebrate them!

Here’s a practical example. My wife, Sarah, is – well, let’s just say she’s a free-spirit. She lives in the moment. She loves just “being there”. She draws her energy from simply being with people – especially with those she loves deeply.

I, on the other hand, am a planner. So unorganized functions or unplanned excursions drive me nuts.

But because she loves me, she has learned to take on a healthy level of planning at times – for vacations, in our finances, in her work and mine, with our family.

And I have learned to enjoy just being together with her – with no agenda. No plan. Just be.

And over the years, our relationship is stronger, fuller, deeper – because we’ve accepted our differences.

3. Leverage them

Differences should not paralyze us or separate us from others. They are to be useful and leveraged so you become far more effective than would be possible if you were to go-it-alone.

You are better because of people who are different than you. And others are better because you are different. (That is, unless they choose not to leverage differences.)

Together, diverse people ensure that life is explored more fully and that our work has the deepest of meaning.

So, what have you learned from conflict or differences? What would you add to the list? Feel free to leave a comment.