I really don’t like to be criticized. A single criticism can ruin my entire day. I often wonder how someone so thin-skinned ended up in administration.
Dan Rockwell once said: Criticism is something you can avoid – by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.
Is that what you really want?
Recently, I was thinking about criticism and about how often I am faced with it – daily!
Over the years I have benefited significantly from criticism. In fact, I am a better dad, a better husband, a better professional, a better leader… because of my interaction with critics.
Here are six things I have learned from critics:
1. Not all personal criticism is personal.
I know. This statement sounds contradictory. But many personal attacks take place because the critic is dealing with his or her own problems. We are often unaware of the circumstances and deep hurt others are experiencing. Growing leaders take time to stop, listen, and experience the feelings of others.
2. A quick response is usually ill-advised.
Although I’m working on improving my response to criticism, I occasionally react without much thought. I do better to say less rather than more. When I speak quickly to a critic, it is usually an emotional response that I regret later. I’m learning to keep quiet although it’s not easy.
3. Criticism helps me to become a better person and a better leader.
Often the remarks cause me to look in the mirror, and occasionally I don’t like what I see. I have learned that I do not grow, my team does not grow, and the institution does not grow if everyone agrees with me all the time.
You may have noticed that occasionally I wear my emotions on my sleeve – criticism almost always hurts me. Believe it or not, sometimes the pain is more than I can handle. I have to turn criticism over to God, or it will consume my mind – and affect my productivity and ability to lead effectively. Critics help refine me. They help me to be a better person, though the process is always painful.
4. Criticism keeps me from criticizing others.
I know the pain of criticism and I know the hurt that comes when a critic comes after me with an unfounded accusation – or a founded accusation for that matter. I don’t like that pain – and I am reminded of this when I am tempted to criticize others.
5. Consider the source.
Some people are just negative. I made a decision that I am not going to spend time with negative people. While some critics should be heard, many should not.
6. Sometimes the critic is right.
Since I am a relatively sensitive guy, it’s painful to be criticized. But occasionally my pain is compounded by the fact that I needed the criticism – because it addresses an area where I need to grow. An ancient scripture reminds us, Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.
So criticize me, but don’t call me stupid. Criticism hurts. But it often presents an opportunity to grow.
Question: What’s one thing you’ve learned from your critics? Leave a comment below.
That’s sage advice – – ” When I speak quickly to a critic, it is usually an emotional response that I regret later. I’m learning to keep quiet although it’s not easy. ” However, what if you’re constantly hurt by someone else’s insensitivity? How do you give constructive criticism so your needs are respected? Keeping quiet does not always work. In fact it can encourage other’s “negative actions” and build up your resentment. I’ve actually recently come right out and said to someone that their lack of contact since I moved has hurt me and their response was completely unsympathetic – – “..it always takes one to initiate a call or an email and I am grateful that you do keep in touch”. Her words were logical and I saw her point, but was frustrated she totally didn’t see mine.
Great points Robyn! There are people who are just plain negative – all the time. When I speak of critics, I’m talking about those who are constructively critical. Constructive criticism still hurts, but that person is interested in you as a person – even if they are wrong. The negative person doesn’t care about you, only about getting their opinion out. Thanks for connecting!
I have learnt not to be reactive, by being quiet and drawing out wisdom on how best to handle criticism. It has helped a great deal for “…in quietness and confidence shall be your strength…” Isaiah 30:15.
Resisting the urge to react is important – great discipline to remember.
On the topic of criticism, I like what Dale Carnegie said: “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
Wow – great thought. Thanks so much for sharing it.
This is great Michael. Just came across this from your comment on Jeff Goins’ blog. Criticism is something I have been coming to terms with – it’s such an important aspect to learn to deal with in yourself and your points are totally right. I find it useful to step back and see the wider picture in terms of the reaction to something someone has fed back on. If there is a general negative response to it then there is room to learn and grow. Often however criticism can come from one person’s subjectivity and it is important to learn to let go of these people in a sense, because the problem is probably their’s (if the majority of people had positive reactions) – and it is important to ask others for opinions when there is a solo negative voice. Negative words cut through so much crisper than positive words.
I agree Andy – thanks for your thoughtful comment!
Most criticism can be seen as a positive. A person must care enough to set you straight with criticism. The person may be saving you great embarrassment by telling you personally what you can’t see is erring. See the good side, if you can.
I agree. We can learn something from anyone. We’ll learn more when we view criticism from a positive perspective. Thanks!
7. People notice – what I do is picked up on and commented on