When you’re not prepared for the unexpected, you’ll be derailed by it.
The phone rang.
Dad, Can I stay over here and eat dinner?
I thought for a moment – dinner is the one time every day we spend together as a family.
Baby, it’s best if you come home and eat with the family. Then you can go back and play with your friend.
It was quiet for a moment – But Dad, they said I could stay.
I know, baby. But mom and I would like to spend some time with you at…
OK, Bye. Silence.
I placed the phone down and looked across the counter at Sarah. She could sense the hurt in my voice – She just hung up on me – she’s never done that before. What is happening to our little princess?
Dinner was somewhat awkward – long silences briefly interrupted by small talk.
After clearing the dishes from the table, Sarah and I sat down on the couch with Madison. Since this behavior was so uncharacteristic for our normally jovial daughter, Sarah asked her to tell us what she was feeling.
Several more questions were followed by tentative responses from Madison. Then I asked Madison, How can we help you to respond more appropriately to mom and dad?
After what we’d experienced over the past hour, I half-expected to hear, If you would’ve just let me stay at my friend’s house…
So I was a bit surprised when she said, It would’ve helped if you had given me a time to come home. I just wasn’t prepared to come home.
Here’s what she was saying – When I prepare for what comes next, it’s easier to respond appropriately.
It’s inevitable
Every day, every week, the same frustrating thing happens over and over. For you, maybe it’s traffic. A high maintenance customer. An inexperienced boss. That knucklehead team member. A lazy employee. Your nagging wife. Or your unappreciative husband. Whatever it is – it throws you off every time.
They’re all frustrating. But why?
If you know there’s a good chance that one of these are going to happen into your otherwise blissful day, then you can prepare your response. And we’re not talking about how you’re going put them in their place once and for all.
You can prepare to respond calmly. Professionally. Directly. And you’ll be more respected for it.
When I’m not prepared for the unexpected, I get derailed by it. But when I have prepared myself for the inevitable, I’m more likely to respond appropriately.
Leaders who have not prepared for the unexpected
- React instinctively – and often overreact
- Hurt people in the process
- Worry
- Erode trust
- Damage open communication
- Preserve their own self-interests
- Lose influence
- Stifle creativity, innovation, and productivity
- Frustrate followers
- Focus on their own pain
Those who think ahead and prepare for the unexpected
- Respond appropriately
- Deepen relationships
- Support and energize the team and the organization
- Facilitate productive conversations, even in the face of conflict
- Grow personally and professionally
- Gain momentum
- Reach and exceed goals
- Develop new leaders
I spent some time thinking about Madison’s observation as it relates to my work and my relationships. I am a better team member, dad, husband, leader, friend when I prepare for the unexpected.
You’re a better leader when you’re prepared. Here are 4 ways to prepare for unexpected moments in your life and work…
1. Slow Down
In his newly-released book, The In-Between, my friend Jeff Goins wrote, It’s just not possible to live in the past or in the future – all you have is now. You might as well take your time and live in today’s moments.
If you’d just slow down a little, you might find that people really do care about you. Life and work just get in the way of our relationships sometimes. And that’s ok – if you’re ready for it.
2. Think strategically
People are valuable and worth developing – and their ideas are the most valuable assets in the world. So it’s foolish to coast through the work week and home life without proactively planning for successful relationships.
We should regularly be asking questions like – Who am I working with? What challenges are likely to arise? Do they know that I care about their success? How would I want someone to communicate and work together with me? How can I best serve them?
3. Respond appropriately
It never comes at a good time – and it almost always catches you off guard. Unless you’ve planned for it to happen.
Yes – there are times when a direct response is warranted. And it can be issued calmly – in a way that improves the relationship. Every time.
4. Follow-up
Your calm, professional response in the moment can feel uncomfortable for those who are present – especially to an offending party. After an uncomfortable interaction, give them time to process what happened. To cool down if necessary.
Then, always follow-up. Ask questions. And listen.
The key to making progress in relationships and developing people is follow-up.
Here’s the question: How do you prepare for the unexpected? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Thanks Michael for highlighting the connection between personal and professional success in leadership. LeadingInSuccess,LLC
I am not a parent yet but this is a great advice. We should always be prepared for the unexpected especially in business. By doing so, we can avoid panicking and make things worse.
Thanks for connecting Jayden! So true about avoiding panic and making things worse. Enjoy your weekend!
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Great thoughts DS! I agree.
Boy if parenting doesn’t prepare you for this, I’m not sure what does! Great article on being proactive versus reactive. I always taught my kids that they choose how they react to a situation – they are in control of their reactions, not the person they are reacting to. It’s a lesson some never learn.
As leaders, we always need to be prepared to be proactive, not reactive. It’s sort of part of the definition of being a leader, yes?
Thanks for your thoughts Kirbie! I agree!
Thanks for your thoughts here! I agree!
Wow! How fragmented our lives have become! Let me expound on this…
My wife and I have worked with our kids on this. We realized that when we prepared our kids to transition from one activity to the next, they were very willing to be part of the decision. It helped them wind down from, for example, their chit-chat with “Ruffy” the stuffed dog to potty-time and then bed. It was as simple as “10 minutes guys!” A minute later, we’d hit the stairs for bed, with a happy trio in tow! How many of us loved being ambushed with the unexpected? Not many… how much more those we lead?
Even after 5 years as a parenting coaching, I have never thought of “transitioning” this to help those I work with or lead. Thanks Michael for whacking me right in the head with this one!
Very cool, my friend. Thanks!
Great article. Re; “How do you prepare”. We must expect the unexpected simply due to the fact that it is unexpected 🙂 . What helps me is a very simple line “stop and think”. I must ensure I understand the question/situation before I blurt out something hurtful. How can I (or any of us) have an opinion about something we are not familiar with? “Stop and think”… P.S. the reason I know it works is simple: I have learned from my own mistakes of making statements about situations I knew next to nothing about.
Great point!
Thank you 🙂
I personally find prayer for the fruit of the Spirit to be helpful. If I am not walking with the Spirit, I am not as calm inside or kind to others.
Very true! Thanks for sharing!
I quite like and enjoy your article on YOU ARE A BETTER LEADER WHEN YOU ARE PREPARED. The Boys Scout slogan says ” BE PREPARED” Leadership is about people first and other things next. Hence, a good leader must make adequate preparation. God also made adequate preparation for mankind and its creation. Hence, is able to know the end from the beginning. He said in Jeremiah 29:11. ” For I know the thougths that I think towards you. Thougths of peace and not of evil to give you an expected end.”
Thanks my friend. I appreciate your encouragement.
Michael, that’s a great example from real life. Thanks for sharing! Preparing for the unexpected can be hard because, well, it’s unexpected and it’s and unknown. For me slowing down is a big factor. Often the unexpected comes when life is moving at it’s fastest.
I remember when I was finishing seminary, running my own business and serving as intern pastor in our church when something unexpected happened. We found out that our little boy had cancer. That fact immediately slowed our life down and changed our focus. Thankfully he was treated successfully.
I believe that often being prepared for the unexpected is about attitude, that is having a flexible mindset and understanding that I’m really not in control of everything. It also means making sure that I trust God a lot more than I trust my own ability to plan the future.
Wow – thanks for sharing your story. It’s powerful. And you’re right – being prepared for the unexpected is about attitude and perspective.