There comes a time when you need to speak up – to take up for others who needs your support.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not suggesting that we go around looking to get all up in everyone’s business. Yet, it’s entirely appropriate to speak up when someone is being wronged or taken advantage of.
An unusual experience yesterday reminded me just how important it is to look out for others…
What just happened?!
I stopped in front of a local thrift store to drop off a few donated items. As I pulled the items out of the car, an elderly lady in the parking lot asked about one of the articles in my arms.
I walked over and handed it to her, pointing out a couple of other items I was giving away.
But that was as far as we would get!
At that moment, an employee burst out the front door yelling (literally) at the lady – “No! You can’t have those items!”
As the store clerk finished her tirade, I calmly explained to her that I was giving the items to the lady. In fact, I thought it was cool to be able to meet the individual who would benefit from the items.
Undeterred, the employee grabbed the remaining items and marched back into the store. She called back – “She shouldn’t be asking people for their stuff when they come to drop it off!”
She’s a customer!
Surprised by the bizarre behavior, I returned to my car. I noticed the elderly lady placing the item I gave her into her vehicle. I pulled up, lowered the window, and spoke to her briefly encouraging her to enjoy the rest of her day.
As I drove away I noticed her hobbling back toward the store. She was a customer! After she was treated so poorly, she was still going to patronize the store.
There’s not a chance in the world that I would have entered that store after being scolded by an employee.
I thought about that dear lady several times yesterday. And I realized that I need to take up for others more often. Again, I’m not talking about looking for trouble. Rather, speaking a kind word at the right time. Encouraging a representative after you’ve witnessed them serve a difficult customer. Calmly supporting your leader within your organization. Do you know what I mean?
Taking up for others requires…
1. Helping others when you are able. You never know when you might be the one who needs help. So be generous. It’s true – what goes around comes around.
2. Patiently responding to those who are unkind. It’s possible that the attacker may have recently experienced a difficult circumstance that led to the outburst. I’ve recently wrote a post on the importance of giving the benefit of the doubt – check it out right here.
3. Letting the attacker have the last word. In the heat of the moment, it’s unlikely that you will successfully reconcile the situation. Attempting to do so often has a negative impact on the situation. Most of the time it’s best to let it go.
So I let the store clerk say her piece and quietly left.
Last night I wondered – Did the elderly lady remember much about that rude woman at the end of the day?
I guarantee you that the next time she uses the sauce pan she scored from me, she’ll remember I took up for her and made time to encourage her.
Let people know that they are important – important enough to make time to take up for them. Let them know how much you appreciate their patient response when they are wronged.
You’ll make their day!
Question: When you see someone being unkind, how would you handle it? Please leave your ideas in the comments.
An area where speaking up is critical yet I often fail to see it – when the pastor, the protector of the flock, will not speak up and protect his sheep.
Case in point, our church is burdened with a family who have two adopted teens with RAD and attachment issues but, the parents blindly refuse to give them the needed help – therapy or residential treatment. RAD teens lie, manipulate, lack conscience, abuse animals, vandalize, have no remorse, and cannot be trusted unsupervised – conventional discipline does not work. The parents will not accept the illness, give treatment, and consequently the church is experiencing vandalizing, false accusations against members, and anti-social, non-compliant behavior. The pastor knows. He does nothing. He’s too concerned about what “they” will say about him if asked to leave the church. He doesn’t hold the parents accountable and the parents don’t hold their teens accountable. In the meanwhile some of his other sheep are being tortured with lies, stalking, fear.
It’s CYA even among pastors.
So sorry to hear about what your church is experiencing. I’ll be in prayer for it. Thanks for connecting.
Thanks for sharing this post again. What a CRAZY story. Love how God used it to remind you (and then us) of what is important. Interestingly, “Helping others when able” was a lesson God taught me in Walmart yesterday. I actually blogged about it today.
Thanks Eileen – great post today!
Wow! Happens all the time though doesn’t it? What we need to do more of is look at underlying issues and not judging. I would assume the clerk postion was ‘store policy’ – perhaps if she doesn’t do her job to the ‘letter’ she gets fired? Who knows what is driving her behaviour, bad day or just bad attitude (as we see it).
I know it’s easy to say this now and in all honesty I might not have been as polite as you ( Joe’s comments sounded good to me).
Just a thought….
Diana
I agree Diana. I’ve found that if I slow my response, the outcome is generally more productive. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
That’s insane Michael! I’m not sure how I would handle a situation like that. But I had some thoughts pop into my mind as I read it.
1. I would tell the employee that I have not yet donated the items to the store. They’re still mine to do with as I please.
2. After he grabbed the items from my hands, I would take them back and tell him I will no longer be donating at this store.
3. I would apologize to the lady even though it’s not my fault for how the employee treated her.
It would also be hard for me to return to that store.
I would hope I would be willing to step between the unkind person and the one they’re attacking. And letting the person that is being attacked that they’re still valuable.
Good thoughts Joe. I agree and actually did some of these.
People are so surprising, I still get taken back when things like this happen. The girl that was rude in this story would have probably stunned me speechless.
But I like the point you made referencing your post on ‘Giving the Benefit of the Doubt’, it’s very true that most people who are in a bad mood are just going through a personal battle. And the only way they know how to deal with it is taking it out on others.
Which is why we really have to watch ourselves, don’t we? Love people through their attitudes, and definitely defending those who need to be defended- because one day (like you said) that could be us!
Beautiful post, thank you for this reminder.
I agree! Thanks for your thoughtful response Katie.
Thanks David. This is an area that I really have to be intentional.
Great post. I find that showing grace in these situations is always met with surprise and usually gratitude. Thanks for the reminder.
I agree Tammy. Thanks for sharing you thoughts.