A number of years ago, I was serving as an administrator at a college in Tennessee. I was under enormous pressure at work to deliver significant growth for the institution.
My team was feeling the pressure – and I kept telling myself that it was temporary. But there was really no end in sight.
So I kept pushing harder and faster.
At the time, I was dealing with my own demons. I wasn’t spending enough time with my family. My sweet wife was managing our home and our daughter on her own. I felt like such a hypocrite – trying to help others improve, when I needed to change.
It’s tough to face your team every day when you feel like that.
My wife, Sarah, remembers the afternoon years ago, when I stood in our kitchen explaining to her what I was experiencing – what I was feeling. She listened patiently, supportively like she always does. Then she calmly responded – “For about 6 months I’ve felt like a part of you is dying, and I don’t know if you’ll ever get it back.”
My first thought was – If you would’ve just told me this 6 months ago, we could have avoided a lot of pain! But she wanted me to be able to work through the challenges I was experiencing without added pressure from her.
I’m in trouble
During this chaotic time in my career and in our family, I received a phone call one afternoon as I was walking across campus. It was a young man that had come to work with our organization the year before. I could hear the hurt in his voice.
He began to tell me – “I’ve made a bad decision. My decision has damaged my relationship with my girlfriend. It’s damaged my relationship with her family. I’m in trouble.”
I told him, “I want to help you. Sarah and I are leaving town in an hour to spend the weekend with some young professionals we are mentoring.” I said, “You need to go pack a bag and come with us.”
Over the next few months I spent scores of hours with this young man. And what I learned from that experience was life-changing for me.
Check out this 25 second video that illustrates how I approach these challenging situations in my life and work…
Have you ever rafted a river like that? I haven’t – but I want to. So whenever you’re ready, let’s make it happen!
Now here’s the one thing that I learned during this chaotic time in my career and in our home that – more than anything else – has helped me lead through challenging circumstances…
I have more to give.
When it all falls apart
That afternoon when Dennis called me, my world was falling apart – crumbling around me. But in the midst of the chaos – my raging river – a young man was thrashing around in the water. What was I going to do?
Sarah and I made the decision to pull him into our raft – and as soon as we did the voices started. You’re a fool. You don’t have time to help him. You need help. Your family needs help. Your team needs help. The organization needs help.
And I learned that, even though I was navigating the most challenging whitewater I’d ever experienced, I could contribute more.
In fact…
[Tweet “Making a contribution outside of home and work prepared me to be better at home and work.”]
I learned that I had more to give.
And so do you.
It’s not about comfort
Maybe your work just isn’t fun anymore – maybe it never was. Maybe you’re working for a boss who’s a knucklehead – who doesn’t care about you – maybe she doesn’t even know you.
Maybe you’ve recently received some devastating news. Maybe your family is falling apart. Maybe you made some unfortunate mistakes years ago – at work, with your spouse, your kids – and you’ve never been able to make it right.
Whatever your situation is – it’s painful. It’s bad. It hurts. But there’s somebody just ahead of you in the river. They’ve been thrown out of their raft. You need to make a decision – you can’t hesitate – their entire future, and yours, is at stake.
[Tweet “You have more to give.”]
True. Thanks my friend.
I’ve always wanted to raft the rapids and this could be my cue to do just that. In the recent past, I have come to appreciate how important it is to stretch out my hand to someone thrown out of their raft. Initially, my thinking was that I was helping them out. In reality, they were the ones who brought life into my hurting soul. As they grew stronger, I healed of stuff I had held in my heart for a very long time.
I’ve experienced the same thing – when I encourage other leaders, I’m often encouraged by their influence in my life.
I am ready to do the river rapids anytime you are ! I used to be very active in that. Thank you for sharing on “Forgetfulness”. God commanded us to love one another. The church teaches us to see each person as an individual. Yet many professing believers are not willing to do either. I am different. You are different. Each of us were created as unique human beings. We need to practice more what God has commanded us to do.
Thanks Donna.
Just this morning, I was meditating on the 23rd Psalm, which your post brought to mind. When the Good Shepherd prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemy, could that enemy be named Discouragement or Defeat? But read on: “My cup overflows”! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our busyness that we forget to sit beside still waters (be still and know!) or at His table to be filled to overflowing so that Goodness and Love (God’s twin sheepdogs) will follow us ALL the days of our lives. Thank you Michael for today’s inspiration.
Great thoughts, Natalie. Thanks for sharing.
Powerful post Michael. My family and I have been going through the rough waters of life for over 3 years now. We have had many moments of asking God, “How much more?” But it is faith that carries us on and the belief that victory is on the horizon. However, it is the giving even during these times that keeps our prospective on Christ. It is easy to withdraw and focus on survival through our own means but we know that true breakthrough only happens by continuing to be the hands and feet of Christ to the world that is in need as well.
Thanks Jason. You’re right – generosity is a key component of leader growth.
Hi Michael, I have been through serious ups and downs. I resigned from my government job on the suggestion of a Bishop in Delhi. He wanted me to join as the Principal of a Diocesan Christian school in a town in Jagadhri, Haryana. If I had completed twenty years, then I would have been eligible for early retirement pension, I told the Bishop, but then he convinced me saying that God would provide me with everythin, and that in any cas I would be doing important service to my community. What happened was that this person wanted certain favours, he wanted me to take money for admissions, and pass on the money to him. When I didn’t agree to his terms, I was told that my contract wouldn’t be renewed, and instead I would be given a Mercy Offer, which meant that I would be relegated to a school with eighty students in Delhi, with no scope for progress. I declined the Mercy offer. After two months I got a Job in The Heritage School, Gurgaon in July 2012. Now I have been working in that school for two years now, and have gone on to become the Subject coordinator. I didn’t lose faith and continued going to Church. I continued believing in life, and God, and have finally managed to publish my first book with Partridge Publications, titled, Dew Drops, A Collection of Poems. Now I have sent my second book for publication, it will be out in the market in September. The take away for me is to never lose hope, to always have Faith in God, and yes, believe in youself. Yes and that Bishop? Well he was forced to resign for financial mismanagement and misconduct.
Thanks so much for sharing your story. In the midst of chaos, it’s difficult to keep believing and keep moving. You did great!
Hi Michael; thanks for sharing your story. I am a blind computer user bloggr and podcaster. for a long time now my blogging friends have told me that I inspire them. so finally i started a new blog where I share mor of the personal experiences of being a blind business owner. It has worked out well maybe too well as it is now taking time away from my primary business of helping people sell amusement equipment and related items. I just had a very successful guest post on life lessons from a blind bloggr and I’m working on my first ebook/online product. this is all new to me. But even now I’m having trouble coming up with ideas. I know I can help people. My story seems to motivate and inspire them just by itself. the question is how to turn what I’v done and am doing into a ebook or video series. I’m sure it will come to me. this post helpd motivate me to keep working to help others. thanks and take care, max
You are an inspiration! Chad Allen is doing a great job with publishing resources – he has a couple of resources that would help you – http://www.chadrallen.com/. For blogging resources, follow http://www.bloggingyourpassion.com and http://www.jonathanmilligan.com.
This is a great reminder, Mike. I know that many times when I’m going through my own struggles, my natural tendency is to pull back from everyone, so I needed to read this!
Mine too!