The first house I ever owned belonged to an elderly couple. I bought the home just a few months after Fred’s wife, Andree’, passed away.
One day Andree’ went to the hospital for a routine procedure and died suddenly from complications during the surgery.
Fred was devastated. He later told me, “When Andree’ died, I lost every reason to live.”
With all the memories, it was simply too painful for him to stay in the home.
A short time after I bought the house, Fred invited me to breakfast. We met at a cafe in Leesburg, Virginia. As we were eating he said, “I’d like for you to go for a drive with me this morning, if you have the time.”
We drove for about an hour into the foothills of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Then he directed me down a small paved road about a mile off the highway. As the car rolled to a stop, he told me that he and Andree’ would come out there nearly every week to walk and spend time together.
We got out and walked down a narrow path into a clearing. The dew was glistening on the grass in the warm sunlight and buds were just beginning to appear on the trees in the meadow.
Fred talked about the memories he had enjoyed for so many years with Andree’. Then he paused and asked, “How would you like to have a place like this where you could come, hang out, relax, and think?”
I said, “That’d be awesome.”
Fred reached into his jacket and pulled out a manila envelope and pushed it towards me. “It’s yours then.”
“I don’t understand. What’s mine?” I asked.
“All of this.” Fred replied. “I want to give you this property.” He handed me the deed to the property.
A few months later Fred moved back to the Midwest to his home place. Yet his generosity made such an impact on me that when our daughter was born, we named her Madison Andree’ in memory of Fred’s wife.
Shortly after her birth, we began sending photos of Madison to Fred every few months. In return, he would type notes to Madison on an old manual typewriter and mail them to her. Over the years we’ve collected scores of his thoughtful notes, each dotted with correction tape.
15 Years
While we continued to correspond, I had not seen Fred for about 15 years until this fall. A few weeks ago I was scheduled to speak in Omaha. So I called Fred to see if he’d like to get together. And he invited me to stay at his home.
For 2 days I spent every minute of the day with Fred. We toured Offutt Air Force Base, home of United States Strategic Air Command. We visited a local museum and we walked in the park. Also we played cards – a lot. And we visited Andree’s grave.
Fred, who is now 85, made a statement several times during my visit. He said, “I’m done with life – I’ll probably be dead soon. I really don’t have anything else to live for.”
After hearing him repeat this statement for a couple of days, I said, “Fred, you’ve been around 85 years. Obviously you have a lot of experience. You’ve seen a lot of people who’ve done life well. And you’ve seen people who’ve failed miserably. What are the three most important things you’ve learned about life?”
Fred thought for a moment and then he started…
1. Find Someone to Love
“One of the keys to a happy life is finding someone with whom you want to spend your entire existence. And when you find her, treat her well. Your success and happiness will be entirely dependent on her success and happiness.”
[Tweet “Find someone to love. 3 Life Lessons from an 85-year-old man.”]
Then he said…
2. Spend Time with Family
“Spend time with your bride and your kids, but spend time with your extended family, too. It is good to spend vacations and holidays with those that you’ve grown up with and done life with.”
[Tweet “Spend time with your family. 3 Life Lessons from an 85-year-old man.”]
Then, he said…
3. Be Yourself
“Don’t try to be somebody else. And don’t try to be someone that somebody else wants you to be. Be yourself.”
[Tweet “Be yourself. 3 Life Lessons from an 85-year-old man.”]
One More
The next morning as we sat at breakfast. Fred looked up from his plate and said again, “I lost all reason to live when Andree’ died.”
This time I was ready. I calmly responded, “Fred, people need to hear what you told me yesterday. And they need to hear your story. There are people all over this area that need you to encourage and challenge them with your perspective and your life and work experience. Don’t waste these valuable days of your life. Don’t waste your influence.”
[Tweet “People need to hear your story. 3 Life Lessons from an 85-year-old man.”]
A few hours later as I was leaving for the airport, Fred said, “I’ve felt like I didn’t have anything to live for every day since Andree’ passed away. Today you’ve shown me that I should think differently about my life. And I needed that.”
I’m hoping Fred can add one more item to his list – Share Life With Others.
It is not enough to simply accumulate wisdom or life experience, or education, or money, or fame. If we really want our lives to be meaningful – to really matter – we need to share it with others.
These are all great positive lessons. We can all improve with reflective thinking. Look back at this time last year. What did you do to improve or move closer to your goals? I try to focus on improving myself every day. My mother was the most unselfish person I have ever met. Everyone feels better after being around someone like that. My ultimate goal is to try and be unselfish like she was. God bless!
Great thought Perry – Look back at last year and consider, What did you do to improve or move closer to your goals? Love that.
I’m 78 and retired awhile but I have several goals I want to pursue. I want to write my life story for my children and grandchildren. I want to write about professional development based on all the things I didn’t do that might have helped me. I want to be at peace with myself knowing full well the good and badI have done in my life. I want to know the truth about existence on this obscure planet in the vast solar system. I know humans are not living up to their full potential.
The truth you will never know . It’s a mystery and we’re not smart enough to figure it out .
The truth is inside of you and you can’t even figure it out .
Truthfulness comes when you understand that gratefulness is the key that opens the door to the path that takes you to the truth.
Stop looking for the truth and accept the fact that you are the truth . You have it all . We are all part of a spec in the universe that makes it the truth .
You don’t need faith or a religion to figure this one out.
Be assertive to the fact that it can’t be better than what it is and ,you have it .
My passion in life is helping others reach their goals. I love it when I have facilitated someone and see the look of joy and satisfaction when they can say “I did it, I really did it!” I live for those moments in my family and in my professional life with my patients, clients and in my online business life.
It’s a great feeling – I agree!
Play it forward. Help someone take the next step. Mentor your subordinates, coach, respect your co-workers and the folks who serve you.
Integrity is all you have and enjoy the small things daily
1. Don’t major on the minors! 2. Make memories!
In past years I remember telling myself I “had laundry to do”, “housecleaning waiting”, “grocery shopping” etc…. you know, too much “business” waiting to be taken care of so I couldn’t throw caution to the winds and go enjoy life. Now looking back, I don’t remember the clean house, clean clothes, full fridge… I remember the special times like meeting my daughter for lunch on the spur of the moment, the drive to the lake on a warm sunny day, family and friends get-togethers, the big and the little moments, treasured memories….
When I reach the end of the road, I won’t wish I had spent more time cleaning, doing laundry, errands, and the other mundane details of life, but I may very well wish I had put all that to the side more often and enjoyed life a even more.
I stopped worrying about my “to do housework list” after my mother-in-law told me “Don’t fret the dust bunnies – they will always be waiting for you. But, your children will not they will grow and go.” So we lived with a little dust – when something fun was afoot with the family.
Faith, love and charity are all important to living a happy life. So is gratitude — true gratitude changes the world through the eyes of the beholder.
Gratitude is important – Thanks Tim.
Step out of your comfort zone daily
That’s a good one Susan! Enjoy your day!
You too Michael!
The number one thing in life to make it have purpose and meaning is to have a personal relationship with the God of the universe and His Son, Jesus Christ. Other than that I can agree with Fred but I would add one more: Be unselfish…don’t forget that love is kind and always puts the other one first. You will have a happy life if you do that and all the people around you will be happy when you are around because of your giving ways.
Great thoughts Don! Thanks for sharing!
The most important thing I’ve ever done is to pray and invite Jesus Christ into my life and give Him control of my life. It is the most liberating, most life changing, most empowering decision I’ve ever made in my 72 years. Then, to share that experience with others as I walk through life. I’ve been in the gospel ministry for over 40 years now with not a single regret, except that I waited 30 years to make that decision.
Life Lesson to pass on “Compromise is good, but learn and pray that you don’t totally lose yourself trying to please someone else.” Relationships are hard but they need to be real, be honest with yourself and others involved in your life. Continue to open your heart to love, because true love feels good.
Such great truths Tracy! Thanks for sharing! Have a great day!
I have seen the world in the Army, literally died three times 1)gunshot in the face, 2) heart surgery, 3) serious blow to the head. All three times I have returned to find out that God has created me for a purpose, but did not know what that was. Now I am a Minister for God, and the purpose was to spread the word of God, and to assist in raising my Grand Nephew, who is also a misfit. He is a great kid, but a little awkward. I thank God every day that I am alive and have family to share my life with.
Wow. I’m sure you have incredible stories to tell. Love your perspective!
Look for the good in others and that is what you will see. Take advantage of every opportunity life offers you to help someone else feel better about themselves. Dream big dreams and encourage others to be as excited about them as you are, so that you can enjoy the journey toward realizing these dreams together. Never let a day go by.
Great advice Dave. Thanks for sharing it!
These were great real life lessons… I also have lean by myself that develop our capacity to adapt ourself to life changes is key to be successful and to happiness. The only thing that never changes is that ‘everything in life change all the times”, so we need to have the ability to change and adapt to survive and progress.
That’s a great one too – the only thing that never changes is that everything in life changes.
Thank you Mike, this is a fantastic post! Very simple lessons we can all achieve and live by. My most practical life lessons are..live in the moment, never take people/opportunity for granted and never miss a chance to impact the lives of people around you.
Great lessons for life – particularly to live in the moment.
Loved this post! I’m involved with a ministry that connects people Fred’s age with college kids. There are so many blessings all around. It pains me to think of the wisdom of the elderly that is wasted. They have so much to offer and receive!
Great idea, Mark. Love this!
I really enjoyed this article – thank you so much for sharing!!
Thanks Lorraine. I appreciate your kind words.
My one and only life lesson at 72: Give your entire being to God through Jesus Christ. There is NO guarantee that everything around you will go smooth so having His Peace through it all is “priceless”.
Thanks Mike. Faith is an important part of many people’s lives. In addition to your faith, what is a practical life lesson you’d share with young leaders?