Most of us agree – leadership is influence. And there are times when influence morphs into down-right-out manipulation.
At it’s core leadership involves change. After all, what are we leading people to do? To be? Yet there’s a fine line between leadership and manipulation.
Both involve influencing others. Both attempt to persuade people to do what you want them to do. And both leverage vision, passion, and emotion to elicit a desired result.
So how do you know if you are leading or manipulating?
Pro and Con
To complicate matters, there are positive and negative aspects of manipulation. Manipulation can positively influence by skillfully treating with one’s hands or by mechanical means such as manipulating fragments of a broken bone into correct position.
More commonly, manipulation involves negative influence, especially in an unfair manner such as manipulating one’s feelings.
It’s this negative manipulation which goes beyond influence to controlling people and environments. Many manipulators live in denial never realizing they’ve crossed the fine line from leadership to manipulation.
Everybody’s doing it
All leaders, at one time or another, have manipulated those they lead. Many do it regularly. And most find it difficult to admit this tendency.
I’ve learned that healthy leaders regularly consider:
- Am I threatened when my team members stray from the vision? How do I respond?
- Do I have a tendency to shift things back in my favor?
When leaders acknowledge that negative manipulation is a real threat to their influence, they can take steps to eliminate these behaviors.
The reason
To determine if you are leading or manipulating, ask yourself: Why am I doing this?
Are you looking out for yourself or are you serving others? Are you following your own agenda or helping others to realize their potential and fulfill their dreams?
Your underlying motivation reveals whether you are leading or manipulating.
When selfishness or self-preservation are present, it’s easy to become a manipulator. Sometimes the behaviors are subtle. Sometimes they’re blatant. Either way, when leadership evolves into manipulation, relationships and organizations suffer.
So are you leading or just being manipulative?
Here are 4 groups that are negatively impacted by manipulation…
1. The Manipulated
Manipulated people become hurt, disillusioned, and discouraged. As a result, their ability to lead and perform at a high level is damaged.
2. The Witness
When we experience the negative influence of a leader toward a colleague, we become wary of all leaders. Maybe we shouldn’t – but we do.
Those who witness manipulation find it difficult to trust leaders. They carry self-protective attitudes forward into future relationships. And this painful experience causes them to withdraw from healthy leaders who could positively influence of lives and work.
3. The Organization
It’s not long before the organization suffers. Collaboration, problem solving, and decision-making are all diminished.
The result? Inadequate decisions. Inappropriate behaviors. Poor performance. Over time manipulative leadership will threaten the stability of any organization.
4. The Manipulator
A manipulating leader will never reach their full potential. They simply cannot grow and will never experience the satisfaction that comes from serving others.
And they deserve it, right?
Not so fast – he may be you! Every leader is naturally self-absorbed. Executive Coach Raymond Gleason said recently:
I’ve never met a leader who couldn’t benefit from more humility.
Question: How have you seen a leader manipulate others? What were the effects? How do you guard against becoming manipulative? Share your thoughts in the comments!
Thanks for the insightful article. I came across it because I am really struggling with leadership right now. I am on a team working/and living overseas. Our leader has many years experience in leadership and held a position in that role for over 20 years.He is highly respected and I have (or maybe had) great respect for him. However, more and more it feels as though manipulation occurs more frequently than I want to admit. Our team dynamic is pretty much all sitting around listening to all his opinions, knowledge , and experience. When I do share I feel like there is very little room for differing opinions, insights, and some things are even turned around back on me if I share a negative “feeling”. I feel this leader can be very controlling and does not like even the smallest threat to being challenged. Most of the time it is very quiet when he asks questions of us…and I believe it is because there is a fear of ‘rockin’ the boat or stepping on toes. I am feeling suffocated and resigned. There are times to when you can feel the control if something isn’t done like he would do it…there is little room to feel trusted with doing something without feeling like you are never going to get it quite right. He has been frustrated by our dynamic and has expressed it…It seems maybe he needs to take a step back and ask himself some tough questions as well. It is so difficult to share the things you really feel when the other person turns your own feeling on you to the point where you feel guilty or question yourself for having them. I am at the point of feeling no value, care, or anything on this team whatsoever. So my question is this…do you have any resources dealing more on the aspect of being the manipulated? In more ways than one I cannot just quit this job/position and leave…so now what?? Thanks for your article and any direction you can give!
Thanks so much for sharing your experience Shelley. I recommend 3 things:
1) Read my post – 4 Things I Learned from Poor Leaders (http://www.michaelnichols.org/poor-leaders/). Then,
2) Read the article by Michael Hyatt I reference in the post, and
3) Read the book Necessary Endings. You can order it in the sidebar.
Each of these helped me through an experience similar to yours. I trust you find these helpful. I prayed for you this evening.
What has helped me with my team (particularly through recently reading Seth Godin’s Linchpin) is to view what they do as art, instead of a series of tasks that can be broken down to the point that anyone can do them. I manage a team of Demand Planners – and at least in that context there are multiple paths to the goal of improving accuracy. If I were to manipulate them into doing it “my way” it would only get in the way of them creating their art, and stop them from exceeding the target.
Great reminder Tom! When we view team members as creatives (and experts) they feel valued. And when they feel valued they will consistently produce and improve performance.
It’s interesting to read this today. Last night I watched Machine Gun Preacher about the life of Sam Childers.
After his conversion, he began to lead people. Eventually he found himself trying to manipulate people into giving and caring for those in Sudan. His heart was in the right place but he started to take the wrong route to get there.
Wow! I’ll have to look it up. Thanks for the tip!
“Your underlying motivation reveals whether you are leading or manipulating.”
I think that about sums it up. The difference between being selfish or unselfish. The difference between being humble or being proud. That is how can tell if you’re leading or manipulating people.
Very eye opening post!
Thanks Katie!
I’ve witnessed my boss try to manipulate me and my colleagues. He is very competitive and he attempts to to get us to compete against each other. I don’t think he considers it manipulation, nor does it probably see anything wrong with it. I certainly don’t let myself get manipulated. I want to perform at high level for myself and my team, not necessarily for my manager. I do plan to address it with him during our annual review coming soon.
I love the list of the 4 groups negatively impacted by manipulation!
Michael, this was a great post!
Thanks Chris!
If the leader’s actions benefit the organization and those he leads, it is the leader’s responsibility to articulate how they are beneficial. If the leader cannot or does not describe why it is beneficial, it will feel like manipulation. If this is a pattern, eventually the good people will go elsewhere. I have seen this in the corporate environment and I’ve seen it is social organizations like the church.
Good point Mark. Love the thought – “it is the leader’s responsibility to articulate how they are beneficial”. I’ve also seen great people leave manipulative cultures.
Great post about the nuances of manipulation in leadership
For a few years I’ve had my accountability partner ask me about manipulation. Its been a key area for me to keep an eye on.
The reality is sometimes as we grow in our leadership skills our power of inspiration and persuasion can be misused as manipulation.
I may write on this as well and cross blog with you..
You’ve got me thinking more. Thanks!
Great! Looking forward to your thoughts. Would love to have you guest post as well – let me know when you’re ready!