Complaining – 3 quick ways to break the habit

It’s so much easier to complain about a problem than it is to solve it.

Photo Credit: M. Oppenheim/Getty Images

I’ve worked with hundreds of organizations over the past 15 years. And I’ve learned that nearly everyone complains – many do it regularly.

There are several reasons people complain:

1. They feel like they don’t have the ability to make a difference.
2. They’re not resourced adequately.
3. They’re micromanaged.
4. They don’t have freedom to make necessary decisions.
5. The boss won’t listen.

There are plenty more reasons people complain – but you get the idea.

Once complaining starts, it quickly evolves into a habit. Complainers naturally connect with other complainers and commiserators. (I think I just made up a word.) The collective negativity breeds new negativity.

To be fair, the past 5 years have been very challenging for families, for companies, for non-profits, for ministries, for government, for our country, for the global marketplace. Let’s face it – we’ve been on an economic rollercoaster ride!

So many feel as though their complaining is justifiable.

But I’ve had it with the blame game and complaining! The economy has been blamed for anything and everything. It’s time we start taking responsibility – and quit complaining.

You are not a victim of an economic downturn – and neither am I. We are victims of our own decisions – decisions to do something other than prepare for economic challenges.

We are victims of our own naivety. Many growing companies got sucker-punched because of their own insufficient key-indicators and poor decision-making. In short, there is little to blame other than ourselves.

So today, it’s time to quit complaining. Not because you’ll feel better (although you will). Not because those around you will appreciate it (although they will). But because you will be more fulfilled, more productive, and better positioned to positively influence others.

Trust me – I know complaining. I’ve done my fair share. And it’s worthless!

Complaining negatively impacts performance and morale. One complainer ruins it for the whole team – and the entire organization.

So quit it! Draft a zero-tolerance policy for complaining – for yourself AND for your team. No one is exempt!

If you’re like me, you may be thinking that kicking the complaining habit is easier said than done. But you can do this! Without question, you were not made to be a complainer. You’re better than that – your life and work matter! And those who are closest to you really don’t want to hear your complaining (or mine) anymore.

You can choose – to focus on positive thoughts and productive behaviors. As you do, you gain momentum and confidence to meet challenges head-on instead of complaining about them.

So I’ve listed 3 quick ways to break the complaining habit…

1. Be grateful

A couple of years ago, a mentor challenged me to think of one thing (small or big) to be thankful for every morning. So every morning I spend several minutes thinking about how thankful I am for someone or something. (Check out my post about the 4 Questions I Ask Myself Every Morning.)

I often choose a challenging situation or individual and consider the positive aspects of the circumstance or relationship. I’ve found it’s difficult to complain about someone or something you are grateful for.

Find a discipline that works for you – and live with a spirit of gratitude.

2. Express appreciation

This takes your gratefulness one step further. Rather than complaining about what others are doing wrong, focus on what’s working.

Then tell them about it! Praise them. If you have the right people on the team, they’ll be energized. Your affirmation will encourage them to higher levels of performance.

3. Focus on Success

Last week I spent about an hour on the phone with the leader of a non-profit organization. Much of the time I listened to him explain his vision for the organization and team. We also discussed some challenges they’ve faced in recent years and a few that lie ahead. I was genuinely intrigued by what they are doing and expressed my excitement about the great future opportunities for them. In fact, I’ve referred several new clients to them in the past couple of months.

After our call he followed up with an email that included:

Thank you for the conversation. You boosted my energy and put some fuel in my tank.

A positive perspective is energizing. It’s enlivening. It’s contagious.

Too many are distracted by things that are beyond their control. Forget about those things! Focus on areas in which you can effect change.

When we do – we’re all more fulfilled and more productive.

Question: Have you found yourself complaining regularly? I have. Do you know a chronic complainer? I do. What do you do to break the habit? Share your ideas in the comments!